


The Six Times Troy Didn't Mean To Meet Will Byers and the One Time He Did

by Well_Then_Extract



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Homophobia, If I have to tag for cursing here it is, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, They're like extras with names, Troy and Steve are brothers, Two dimensional OCs, cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-05-26 06:59:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14995346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Well_Then_Extract/pseuds/Well_Then_Extract
Summary: It was incredibly hard to avoid someone in a small town, no matter how hard you try.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oof I've been lurking in this fandom for over a year now, and finally I'm posting something!  
> So this fic is kind of spontaneous since everything else I have planned is too early in development and I wanted to get something out this summer (and especially during pride month!), so here we go.  
> I've always wanted to do a 'x times they didn't, x times they did' fic, and it seemed fitting I do one for these kids.  
> This is the most underrated ship ever, I will go down with it.  
> Also, shout out to my amazing beta reader who doesn't have an AO3 account yet and really I'm just counting on them reading these notes... but it was incredibly helpful of them and I wanted to mention them. You're the best.  
> Well that's enough blabbering from me, enjoy!

October was cold that year.

The still air had a bite to it, fallen leaves freezing on the concrete, frost brushing the dying grass. Kids would have to wear coats over their Halloween costumes, and people would have to ask what they were supposed to be. The girls still wore skirts, even though some days it sunk below freezing. There wasn’t any wind for the most part, so the smell of leaves and thawing grass hung in the chilled air. It was deceptively sunny, glimmering and basking the world in sunlight as it froze. Which meant most days Troy was cooped up inside, too cold to do anything but watch forlornly through the window.

Halloween quickly approaching, and fall break soon after. It was stupid that Halloween was on a weekday, even if Troy wasn’t planning on doing anything. It felt unnatural.

The cold weather didn’t stop the rest of his family from leaving the house though, usually Troy had the whole house to himself. It made the house less stuffy. He usually sat on the couch and watched TV, eating in the living room.

Sometimes Steve came home in the afternoon, said hello, went up to his room. Sometimes he’d bring Nancy and Jonathan over, laughing and all but shoving Troy out of the living room. While he was always annoyed by this, he liked Nancy and Jonathan well enough to allow it. Besides, whenever they ordered pizza Nancy would let him have some, whereas Steve’s old friends didn’t.

Sometimes Nancy would make conversation, and he’d be polite, but it was exhausting and he couldn’t help but picture Mike jumping off the cliff at the quarry everytime she talked to him. He was worried she could see inside his head, see the scene replaying in his eyes, and she’d yell and break up with Steve because his little brother is a murderer. But every time Nancy would just smile and keep talking, never realizing that her little brother was almost killed by the boy she was talking to. The confession rested on Troy’s tongue every time he saw her. He wasn’t even sure what he’d say.

School was school, only everytime he wrote the date and every time he stepped in a cold puddle he counted down the months, weeks, days until June when school would be out. Sure he’d have to go to high school after three months, but he’d be able to dodge people a lot better.

Eighth grade wasn’t too bad, infinitely better than sixth and seventh grade (seventh was a hell on Earth), he was more independent, but that was okay. James had gone out and found new friends, but he still held onto his friendship with Troy. It was jolted in November 1983, but they made up a few months later.

Troy was planning on spending Halloween with James at his house, handing out candy. It felt stupid to dress up, he just couldn’t shake the immature feeling so he decided he would pass this year. He and James were going to pass out candy and watch movies, and he hoped that Mike and his friends also considered trick or treating beneath them so he wouldn’t have to deal with them. However, James and Troy were both in the ‘rich’ parts of town where most people gave out soda cans and full-size candy bars, so they both saw a lot of people. As Halloween crept closer, Troy got more and more worried. It was stupid, incredibly stupid, but the idea of having to hand Mike and all his friends candy made his heart sink. James was worried too, but he kept insisting no one in their grade trick or treated, that it was for babies.

“Those weird Zimmerman kids a year ahead of us don’t seem to think that” Troy pointed out.

“They give themselves concussions for fun, I wouldn’t listen to them. Plus, I’m pretty sure they both have herpes” James replied, and Troy laughed.

Bullying wasn’t a common thing for them anymore (or something they did at all) but gossiping and talking about their classmates was still frequent conversation.

When the new girl came they had a lot to talk about. Troy even found himself talking to some of James’ other friends during these conversations.

“She always looks so angry,” Jenny R said. Jenny was from somewhere in the south and still had a sort of twang to her voice and Troy had never seen her hair down.

“I’d be angry too if I was dragged here” Troy reasoned.

“Or…” Molly B started, “She’s a psychopath”

“Ooh yeah or that” James piped up.

Molly B was nice, she was tall and made good jokes and Troy liked her. She stepped on people’s toes when they got in her way and threw food at people.

“Well, either way, she’s been hanging around those small nerd boys,” Jenny said, taking a sip out of her water bottle.

“The group with the little dead boy?” Molly asked.

“That’s the one”

Troy was caught somewhere between intense anger and stomach-churning guilt that people called Will zombie boy, and that people too morally aware to call him that called him some form of ‘that dead Byers boy’, which was still horrible.

“The new girl is friends with those nerds?” James asked, probably for Troy’s benefit.

“Sure is, I saw her talking to Lucas just this morning” Jenny nodded.

James looked at Troy, then looked back at Jenny.

“Weird” he noted.

“No kidding” Troy murmured.

Turns out, the gossip was true and the new girl (Max, he thought) was indeed hanging around the group, particularly Lucas and Dustin.

(Troy was used to calling them by their last names, and he was trying to migrate away from that habit due to how it felt dehumanizing.)

Max was quiet and always had her arms folded and had a permanent look of anger on her face. She had a big brother or a young dad who was a dick and played loud music in the parking lot from his car and almost ran Troy over when he was crossing the street at the crosswalk, honking as his car passed by.

“Fuck you too then!” Troy shouted after him, but he was certain the shithead driver couldn’t hear him.

“Who was that?” James asked, running over.

“Some ass who doesn’t understand how roads work” Troy had said, glaring after the blue car.

Lucas and Dustin followed Max around like puppies, trying to strike up a conversation and watching her across the hallway. Troy had all of them except Mike in his history class, and Dustin and Lucas kept gawking at her like they’d never seen a girl before. Will didn’t seem to care, but he was a lot more spacey. Troy was stupidly worried he also liked Max, he just showed it by zoning out in class and avoiding her.

Whatever, it was dumb.

Will had been acting weird, just in general. He daydreamed in class and got scolded for not paying attention. He jumped at loud noises and when there was a surprise fire drill he yelped and fell out of his chair.

Troy was kind of worried, but he’d never act on it. It was sure hard not to notice though, especially with how much Troy stared at Will. He thought of how to start a conversation, writing and rewriting a script in his head, always starting with an apology of some kind. Again and again, he thought of just going up to him and getting it over with.

_I’m sorry for bullying you and your friends for years._

_I’m sorry I called you those horrible things._

_I’m sorry I almost murdered your friend and threatened to cut another one’s teeth out._

_I’m sorry about you dying, that sounds sucky._

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._

No matter how many times Troy thought about it, the thought also made him want to throw himself in front of a car so he kept putting off the conversation.

“Just do it” James kept telling him. “You’ll feel better”

“I can’t, he’ll hate me. He does hate me. Oh God I can’t”

James had become much more invested in Troy’s life since they stopped talking for a few months. He said it was because he worried about Troy, and he let emotions bottle up and he didn’t have a healthy emotional outlet.

Troy told him he sounded like a school counselor.

Then James found out Troy liked Will, in that way, and got even more invested.

“You’re so hard on yourself,” James said “I need to keep an eye on you”

“No you don’t, I’m fine”

James rolled his eyes.

Ever since, James kept pushing Troy to talk to Will, saying he needs to get the apologies off his chest. Troy kept ignoring his suggestions. On top of the crushing apologies, telling Will he was worried about him felt creepy and weird. He would never be able to do that.

(And he especially could never say anything related to how he liked Will unless he was dying or an easy way to escape.)

Still, whenever Will got one of those ‘zombie boy’ notes in his locker or got called out for being unfocused, Troy couldn’t help but worry and restart his mental script.

_Hi, I’m sorry for basically every interaction we’ve ever had._

_I’m sorry the kids at this school suck._

_I’m sorry I kind of like-love you?_

Maybe he should say something. He could feel the words stacking with a staticky pressure that was soon to burst.

* * *

 

Halloween was… difficult.

The smell of October and old leaves heavy in the air, the excited chatter of kids filling the halls. Even if they were too old to Trick or Treat, it was still an exciting holiday.

Troy felt exhausted by it, but he knew November would be worse. Painful, guilt-ridden, avoiding Mike and his friends like the plague, insomnia. It was going to suck. He could feel it building up in him like a storm.

He was floating through the last days of October, not really listening or feeling much. Sometimes he felt like he was floating in the bottom of a well, hearing distorted noises and seeing a blurry tunnel version of what was in front of him. But then someone would speak or he’d hear a noise and snap out of it, looking around like he was lost.

He wondered if that ever happened to Will.

On Halloween, no one dressed up but kids were all still chattering and hopping around with excitement.

Well, almost no one dressed up. Mike, Will, Dustin, and Lucas were Ghostbusters. They were the only ones though. They were pretty nice costumes, but still, they stood out so much it made Troy wince, and kids were mocking them all day. But their costumes were incredibly detailed from what Troy saw, it must have taken a while to pull off.

“Look at them, all matched up like kindergartners,” James said. “It’s cute”

Troy nodded, he couldn’t stop staring.

He was distracted all day, staring at Will in classes he had him in and thinking about him in classes he didn’t. Will’s costume was different than the others, like it was made different. They still looked pretty synchronized. Troy was internally panicking, he could not tear his eyes away from Will. He looked small compared to the others, swaying on his feet, looking distracted. He was paler than usual, but his eyes were bright and he looked happy. Well, as happy as one could be when kids keep walking by and laughing at him.

At lunch, it was all Troy could do to slam his head on the table and fold his arms over it.

“You have to calm down,” James said, flicking his shoulder as he sat down.

“I can’t! I’ve been trying!”

“What’s even the problem?”

Troy lifted his head a little, rested it on his arms. He looked across the cafeteria and saw Will with his friends, resting his chin on his palm.

Troy wasn’t sure how to answer. He couldn’t tell James ‘I can’t focus because Will is the cutest person I’ve ever seen’ and that sounded stupid anyway.

Troy shrugged.

James changed topics, talking about that night and what they were going to do. Troy was grateful for that.

James never really pushed him to talk about things. He never made Troy talk about things he didn’t want to. When he was uncomfortable, James switched the conversation so they talked about something else. Troy didn’t thank him enough for being such a good friend.

The rest of the day painfully crept by, Troy itching to get out of the building. Eventually, though the day was over and he sped out the doors and hopped on his bike and was down the block before the majority of kids were outside. He stayed locked up in his room until he was supposed to go to James’ house. He briefly wondered if he was making his mom worry, he didn’t give it much thought. When five thirty finally rolled around, he stomped down the stairs and told his mom he was leaving. Steve was also on his way out.

“You going to that stupid party?” Troy asked him.

“Yeah,” Steve said, frowning at him.

“I hope you get barfed on”

“I hope you do too”

Troy took a step down and glared at Steve.

“I hope your girlfriend dumps you”

Steve raised his shoulders, Troy must have struck a nerve, and huffed.

“I hope you get kidnapped!” He shouted back.

“Me too!” Troy snapped.

Steve left in a rush and slammed the door.

Troy frowned even after he left. Maybe he was a little too mean, but he didn’t care. Steve was an ass anyway.

(He felt a little guilty, he didn’t really want Steve and Nancy to break up. Steve was incredibly happy whenever he was with Nancy, and Nancy was nice. Whatever, he’d apologize the next day.)

Troy forgot about that interaction as soon he headed out of the house, already on to more pressing matters. When he got to James’ house, he already had to push past trick or treaters to get in. James’ family always gave out full sized bars, so kids would pile up to get one.

“Yeesh, it’s already crazy,” Troy said, stepping inside and taking off his shoes.

“Yup, those are the early birds”

James’ cat walked into the room and stared Troy down. James was allergic to dogs, and his mom needed to have a pet in the house, so they settled for fish and a cat. The cat was named Tiger (three-year-old James had named it, at that age all cats are tigers) and it hated Troy. It scratched up his arms, it hissed at him, and it glared at him as he walked by. But sometimes he’d wake up with it on his chest, and he’d be too scared to move. It’d rub up against his legs sometimes and he’d try to pet it, but it would scratch his hand when he got close. He hated that cat.

James picked it up, probably because it was making a move towards Troy and looked ready to pounce.

“Good idea, it looked like it was going to attack me,” Troy said, taking a step back.

“Maybe because you call her an ‘it’” James shot back, petting the top of the cat’s head.

“Whatever, it can’t tell”

When they got to the living room, Troy found out that James had just grabbed a handful of horror movies to rent without looking because he said he felt like people were staring at him.

“Like they thought I was trying to act older than I am” he had said.

So they had a bunch of unrelated horror films. They had Friday the 13th Part Two, but not part one and neither of them had seen part one, something that had to have been misplaced because it was animated and about dogs, Christine, Cujo, and Alien.

Troy pushed the animated movie to the side, saying it was probably some weird porn thing that had been put in the wrong aisle.

He held up Alien. “How old is this?” He asked.

He’d only ever heard bits and pieces from older kids.

“I don’t know, I just grabbed it and I’ve never seen it,” James said back, pushing Cujo off to the side too.

Troy looked at Cujo’s movie case and then looked back at James.

“What? It’s about a dog. That’s not very scary.”

“Tell that to Steve, he said this movie gave him nightmares”

James picked the movie back up and shook it, like testing to see if something would jump out. “Well maybe we watch it and see if Steve was right”

Troy nodded and picked up the other two movies and look at the front and back of them.

He didn’t understand what Christine was about and Friday the Thirteenth Part Two seemed like you needed to watch the first movie in order to understand it.

“Yeah Cujo is probably the best choice,” Troy said, putting the movies back down.

They tried to be engaged in the movie, but every five minutes someone would ring the doorbell and they’d have to get up and hand out candy.

James’ mom came home around six thirty and made them pigs in blankets. She got most of the trick or treaters after that.

They finished Cujo, and yeah it was pretty scary. It was gory and every time the doorbell rang they jumped, but after the movie, the fear dissipated almost immediately.

They were still deciding what movies to watch when the doorbell rang. James and Troy got up since James’ mom was upstairs and it didn’t sound like she was coming down. James looked through the peephole and jumped back.

“What?” Troy asked, pushing James aside to look through.

On the porch stood Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Will, and Max, standing on the step below them. Troy and James stood away from the door, squabbling about how stupid this was and how they “should just open this fucking door” but neither of them made a move to and the argument continued. After what felt like hours James’ mom came down the stairs and opened the door, greeting the group. Troy and James leaped out of the line of sight, hiding behind the door. Troy heard her complimenting their costumes and asking how their night was going, she handed them the candy. They were down the driveway before she even shut the door. She shut the door and saw Troy and James standing like idiots against the wall.

“What are you guys doing? It was just middle schoolers, ones probably from your school even. I think one of them was that Byers kid, but I’m terrible with faces” She walked into the kitchen, placed the candy bowl on the counter, and then walked back out. “Maybe you two should stop watching those scary movies” She ruffled James’ hair as she walked back up the stairs.

“Yeah maybe,” James said, probably too quiet for her to hear.

They did stop watching them.

They couldn’t decide on which movie to watch, so they watched TV instead. There was a channel that played game shows all the time, so they watched a few reruns of The Price is Right. Then they changed the channel to one that was playing It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and watched that. They stole candy from the bowl and ate it, the trick or treaters had thinned enough that it wasn’t annoying anymore, and James’ mom mostly stayed downstairs now. Before the next cartoon could come on, Troy’s mom came to take him home. His mom and James’ mom talked for ten minutes, and Troy could see his mother getting increasingly annoyed. She hates James’ mom. After they left, she ranted about James’ mom for a while.

“Doesn’t that woman have any pride?” she lamented.

Troy didn’t answer, he only continued to look out the window.

He wondered if Will was still out, wondered if he’d see him on the way home. Troy hoped so, he wanted to see him again.

He didn’t see him.

* * *

 

Troy hears rumors about Will going to the hospital a few days later, he’s missing from school, people mostly ignore it, but Troy keeps looking at Will’s empty seat and worries. Maybe he died again. But Will comes back on Monday, November sixth, and he looks happier, revitalized. So does Mike, who is bouncing around the halls, walking on sunshine. He still glared at his teachers and barked out sarcastic answers in class, but he seemed much happier. When school ended he sprinted out the doors and peeled off down the road, his friends clambering to catch up to him.

The idiot in the parking lot is back, picking up New Girl Max and blasting music as he rushes out of the parking lot. He almost hits Troy again.

“Hit me with your car!” He shouted at him the next day while the car was sitting in the lot. “Do it! I dare you!”

The driver didn’t hear him, or if he did he didn’t react.

Sometimes Max skated home, sometimes she didn’t and the man with the greasy hair and loud car picked her up.

The week crept by slowly, and finally, Friday arrived.

Friday was mostly normal, Troy’s parents were both home, so he was trying to figure out where he could go this weekend to get out of the house. School was going as well as school could, and he had enough homework that he could lock himself in his room for several hours and not get bored. He hadn’t been sleeping well so that made him more snappy, but no one really noticed. Except for James, who would occasionally ask him “why are you being so pissy?” and Troy would say he’s tired and that would end the conversation.

But on Friday he was in a considerably better mood than the previous days, and he couldn’t tell why. Maybe because he could sleep in the next day.

In English, they had been reading Lord of the Flies, and they had a debate in class. Mike and Will were in his class, and Will had said the minimum possible and sat in silence after that. Mike talked a lot, and Troy did too, and eventually, they got into an argument. Troy had tried staying very clear out of Mike’s and any of his friends' way, but today Troy just couldn’t stay quiet and eventually they were arguing. Mike was practically foaming at the mouth, and he almost called Troy some sort of curse word several times. Troy almost called mike a dick, but he only got halfway through the word when the teacher narrowed her eyes at him and he stopped. Troy was trying to seem calm, though his hands were twitchy and his voice got louder at times against his will. Luckily the class ended before anything drastic happened, and Mike stormed out immediately, Will following closely behind.

Before Troy could leave the room, the teacher called him over. Troy’s heart sank, he imagined he’d be chewed out for not being professional and arguing with Mike. Or there something wrong with his grades.

He walked over to Mrs. Natori’s desk, trying not to fidget.

“Sorry for getting into a fight with Mike today. I can get kind of…” his mind thought ‘overdramatic’, ‘shitty’, or ‘petty’, but Mrs. Natori got frustrated when students described themselves negatively. “Passionate.” He said.

The teacher nodded.

“I know, I understand. Don’t worry, this isn’t anything bad, just there’s something I think you’d be interested in” she paused and looked up at the clock.

They only had a five minute passing period, and Troy needed at least four because his class was on the other side of the school. He was starting to worry he’d be late.

“Listen,” she started again, “I’ll let you get to your class, but come to see me right after school, okay?”

“Okay, sure,” he said, stiff from talking to a teacher.

“Great. See you after school then!” she said, smiling at him then turning her head back down and looking through a folder, his cue to leave. He walked out the door, pushing through crowds walking through the halls. He went to the rest of his classes, worrying himself sick over what she was going to talk to him about. She said it wasn’t bad, that he wasn’t failing, but Troy couldn’t help his mind running wild over it. James noticed and asked him what was wrong, Troy told him the truth, but all the advice James could offer was “that sucks, I’m sorry” and that wasn’t helpful at all.

After his last class, science, he walked across the school to his English class and poked his head in the doorframe. The room was mostly empty, a few students still shoving items into their backpack and scrambling out the door. Mrs. Natori was sitting at her desk across the room, flipping through papers. She looked up and smiled at him.

“Troy! I’m glad you’re here, I have something to tell you about” she waved him over and opened a drawer in her desk, and fished out a flyer.

Mrs. Natori wasn’t Troy’s favorite teacher, he wasn’t sure he had one, but Mrs. Natori was nice and she liked when he talked about his opinion. She encouraged debates and made the kids talk about the book instead of just answering questions on paper. Which was nice because James had Mr. Laran and he assigned tons of busywork. She had this kind of intimidating aura and wouldn’t hesitate to give kids detention or call their parents, so kids sparsely messed around in her class. She’d had to yell at Troy a few times in her class.

Troy walked over to her desk and looked at the flyer. It was proclaiming the Hawkins High debate team, which he hadn’t known existed. He told the teacher so, and she smiled.

“Yeah they’re not as talked about as the football team, but because the other extracurricular activities at Hawkins High School are struggling, we teachers are supposed to introduce kids to clubs we think they’d be interested in. Art club, drama, chess club, that sort of thing.”

“Nerd stuff” Troy responded without thinking.

Mrs. Natori blinked at him, then shook her head.

“Not necessarily, there are lots of activities there, and I’m sure you’ll find some that suit you.” She nodded at the flyer in Troy’s hands. “For instance, the debate team. You have a knack for public speaking, and you seem to take arguments very seriously. My only critique is that sometimes you tend to lack… professionalism.”

Troy nodded, clutching the flyer a little tighter. He thought it was nice of her to make his flaws sound better than they were. He ‘lacked professionalism’, instead of he ‘was a huge asshat’.

“I understand,” he said.

“But, I still think you’d enjoy joining and that they’d be lucky to have you. If you have any questions ask me, or any of the teachers listed on the front.” she smiled at him. “I really think you’d do great. And you have until next school year to figure it out, so take your time and don’t rush into a decision.”

“Okay, um, thank you! I gotta uh, get home but thanks again, and I’ll... “ he shoved the paper in his jacket pocket “Definitely check it out and yeah. Thanks” he smiled at her, waved, then backed out of the classroom and walked down the hall.

He pulled out the flyer and looked at it. Troy walked through the near-empty school, staring at the flyer and wondering what he would do. He’d be able to get away from the house for a while on trips, it could help him get into college, it could actually be fun. But it requires socializing, and his parents might say no and or think it’s stupid. And, it seemed like only smart nerdy people would join and Troy might feel dumb joining them.

The school was a ghost town, despite it only being ten minutes since school let out. There were kids here and there, teachers in classrooms, but the busses already left and most of the kids who walked or rode their bike home had already gone, and the clubs had already started. The halls were sparse enough that he could look down at the flyer and read it without bumping into anyone.

He walked through the doors to the back entrance, tripping over the metal of the doorframe as he went. He turned around and frowned at it as if it would somehow understand that he was angry that he tripped over it. Troy looked up and jumped. Will Byers was sitting in the office area between the school and the doors, drawing or writing something. He looked up at Troy and held the notebook up to his chest, hiding whatever it was.

“What are you doing here?” Will asked, grabbing his backpack and bringing it closer to him.

“I um, I had to stay after to talk, to uh to talk to a teacher” Troy fumbled, taking a step back like Will would attack him.

Will nodded, and backed further into the wall.

It was strange, it was like they were both scared of each other.

“I’m leaving,” Troy said in a rush and headed quickly for the door. As he touched the handle, he stopped and turned around. “I’m sorry” he blurted.

“What?” Will asked.

“I’m sorry. Really, for everything. For being so horrible to you and your friends for years, for no reason” he paused, took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for almost killing Mike, and I’m sorry for saying things about you that are terrible and not true. I’m just… really really sorry.”

Will gaped, and Troy rushed to keep going. “And I feel awful about you dying last year, or whatever happened, and that people make fun of you for it now. That’s really shitty of them and I hope you’re doing okay because I mean, dying and coming back seems weird but… yeah. I’m sorry”

Will blinked at him. shocked, then nodded slowly, like he was processing. His shoulders had slumped forward, like in shock, and his mouth was slightly open. He looked cautious and confused, not entirely sure how to react. There was a long stretch of silence that made Troy’s skin crawl, and he regretted every decision he had ever made. He regretted being born.

Will looked down at his notebook, then nodded again. “Okay… Okay,” he paused, nodded again. “I forgive you”

Troy gawked at Will. “Really?”

“I mean, yeah. I don’t really believe in holding grudges, and you apologized to all of my friends and haven’t been acting particularly like a jerk this year so… yeah.” Will shrugged.

Troy shuffled his feet and tried to avoid saying how he didn’t deserve forgiveness and just be polite for once. He got what he wanted, he should leave. “Thank you. I um, hope things get better for you, you seemed off last week” he blurted it out before he could stop himself.

Once he realized what he had said, which meant he’d been paying enough attention to Will to notice when he was ‘off’, Troy felt heat clawing up his neck and cheeks and he felt like bolting out the door.

Will looked surprised again, and looked back down at his notebook. He frowned like he was remembering something. “Yeah, I got a weird stomach bug. I’m okay now” he wasn’t looking at Troy, just staring down at the paper.

“I heard you went to the hospital” Will looked up at him with scared eyes.

“From who?”

“Uh, Lucy Rawnin? The girl who’s dad works for the government in some secret position she doesn't even know much about? She talks about it literally every day, and she’s kind of known for that, so I assume you know her.”

Will nodded, frowning down at his lap.

Troy kept talking because now he couldn’t stop and his nerves were on fire. “Her dad died, you know. Workplace accident they said. A bunch of other kids’ parents died too. Must have been a big accident, right?”

Will slumped forward and stared at the floor, looking distraught. “I guess” he whispered.

Troy realized mentioning Lucy’s dad might have made Will upset because he remembered his abusive dad. Troy mentally kicked himself and shuffled on his feet.

“Sorry I shouldn’t have mentioned it”

Will looked up at Troy. “It’s fine, I just…”

Will looked out the doors, not looking Troy in the eye, and hurriedly started packing his things. “Sorry I gotta go my mom’s outside” he swung his backpack onto his back and walked to the door on the other side of Troy.

Will paused halfway through the door and looked back at Troy. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Will almost smiled, it was more of a weird half smile than anything and finished walking out the door before Troy could reply.

Troy stared at the door, watching Will leave and get into his mother’s car. Subconsciously he thought what an ugly color for a car she chose.

Eventually, he snapped back into reality and finally processed what just happened. He was horrified and relieved at the same time, more horrified than anything. He spent a few minutes cursing himself and pacing, asking over and over what the hell he was thinking, but left after a teacher walked out and asked what he was doing there. He said he was talking to a teacher, which wasn’t a lie, and walked out the door before the teacher could say anything else.

Troy rode home, nerves burning, brain going a mile a minute. The cold air bit his cheeks and the metal of his bike froze through his clothes. The chilled air made the heat on his face more obvious, and he was certain his face was red. He felt a little lighter having talked to Will, he had fewer things making his chest heavy.

He wondered how long this feeling would last.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's winter, and Troy really does not know where he's going or what he's doing in life. What a mood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT IT'S BEEN FOREVER!  
> I haven't updated in months, sorry about that. Life and school are all very hard and I've had trouble keeping up with it all. I've also entered a random episode of laziness and a drought of creativity, and I've lacked the inspiration and time to write for some time now. But luckily my fall break ends today and I was able to cram in the last few bits of this chapter. hope you enjoy it!  
> Also TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains suicidal thoughts and mentions of suicide and depression. Stay Safe!

Whatever workplace accident had taken Lucy Rawin’s father must have been pretty serious, because kids were moving everywhere.

Tons of kids were being pulled out of their homes like weeds out of a garden, moving to cheaper and better places because of a dead or suddenly jobless parent. The obituary section in the newspaper had never been so long. For sale signs popped out of the ground like groundhogs, each promising to take a family away. Students were all in despair, either for losing a friend or family member, it made the winter quieter and the frostbite a little harsher.

The only person who didn’t seem to be shaken by the dense cloud of despair that hung around Hawkins was Mike Wheeler. Mike was prancing through the halls, oddly chipper, except an occasional spat with a teacher, but even those were becoming less common. It felt out of place to have a kid chirping through the halls while other students were sobbing and clutching their friends because this was the last time they were ever going to see each other.

Will had seemed particularly upset over the recent events, following behind Mike like his sad shadow. He talked to every kid who had to move away and gave them all cards. When he talked to Lucy she cried and hugged him. Troy had no idea what he was doing. He thought it was kind of nice of Will to be comforting the moving kids like that.

Troy certainly could never do that, only give them sad looks in the halls and half-hearted apologies.

Winter was full of apologies.

Steve and Nancy did break up, and Troy couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault.

“You’re insane, they’re teenagers, they were never going to work out,” James told him, but Troy didn’t listen.

He would have felt much much worse if Steve wasn’t so weirdly happy. He was in a good mood most of the time and kept leaving the house for long periods of time without saying where he was going.

Troy figured he had a new girlfriend.

But still, Troy thought back to constantly arguing with Steve, not that anything had gotten better.

Sure, later that week (when Will was out of school still) when Steve tumbled through the kitchen window with a beaten face and rainbow bandaids trying to cover up gaping wounds Troy and him talked for a little while. After Troy stopped gawking and laughing at Steve’s face and Steve stopped threatening to kill him, they talked like people and Troy apologized.

But right after that, they shrunk back into their old ways, yelling and fighting and throwing things at each other until one got bored or their mother told them to stop. Troy sometimes thought he was built to be an only child, and right after he thought that was selfish. Troy wondered if he should try to be a better sibling, considering you only get one and Steve was leaving that summer and still hated his guts. Troy felt bad about that but wasn’t sure how to change it.

Whatever, it’s not like him to ever be a decent person anyways.

Winter had come full force mid-November, fierce winds striking houses, thick snowflakes swirling in sporadic patterns through the algid air. The crisp sound of dry leaves under your foot was replaced with the crunch of packed snow. Snow stacking on every surface, making the trees look frosted. Brilliantly bright mornings where the whole town was painted white with pure glimmering snow, people going about their day bundled up in heavy coats, their breath flowing from their mouths in plumes. The town became a snowglobe. Contained, two dimensional, perfect.

Troy could live in winter. He could die happy on one of those blindingly sunny mornings, where everyone looked like a Precious Moments figurine. Where everything seemed ceramic, intact, and radiant. But all the same, he still grumbled when he had to stomp through dirty slush on the way to school, frost clawing into his fingers and cheeks. Or when he had to hurry home through a blizzard, the cold so harsh he could feel it in his blood.

Winter, like many things, was much more beautiful from a distance.

The kids in winter are calmer than spring and fall. Quiet, obedient things that sit and stare out the window at the snow and huddle together outside when they’re cold and wonder what they’re getting for Christmas. There’s too much on their mind to be much trouble. There was the occasional fight and sometimes a kid would talk back, but generally, the class ran smoother. Another reason Troy liked the winter so much.

They were all still young enough that everyone ran to the window when someone said it was snowing. Except for a few kids who didn’t care. Mike was one of them. He seemed to be in his own little world every day until school ended. It didn’t matter to Troy though, let Mike fail middle school and get suspended all he wants. Not that it would tarnish his reputation in any way. Not that Mike cared.

Will seemed to be better though, so that was good. Troy and Will hadn’t talked since that afternoon in November, but Will sometimes made eye contact with him in the halls and smiled and waved at him. That was a definite improvement, but Troy usually was caught off guard by this and just stood there blankly until Will looked away. James thought this situation was hilarious.

“Wow eye contact, are you guys best friends now? Have I been replaced?” He had said when Will smiled at Troy across the hall one day.

“Yeah I’m sorry I divorcing you as my friend,” Troy replied and started walking away, James quipping behind him.

“I’ve been replaced!” he wailed. ”Betrayed!” but he stopped once Will and his friends looked over and walked quietly the rest of the way to lunch.

Troy had told James about talking to Will the afternoon it happened. He had called James and hadn’t let him say any more than ‘hello’ until Troy had finished telling the story. When he did finish, James asked him a million questions and then couldn’t give any other reaction than “wow” and stunned silence. Troy wanted advice, wanted someone to tell him how to continue from here, but he couldn’t tell anyone but James about this and James was the worst at advice. So Troy figured it out himself and decided the best course of action was to pretend it didn’t happen.

He continued ignoring Will, only maybe a little less frantically since he had apologized. But Will waved at him in halls, smiled at him, and when Troy stared at him sometimes Will caught his eyes before he turned away. It was freaking Troy out.

He realized this was pathetic, any simple social interaction ‘freaking him out’, but he didn’t care.

Winter break was coming soon, and every time Troy looked out the window or spaced out in class he imagined walking out the doors and not coming back for two weeks. He loved winter break. He could lock himself in his room and not come out for hours, his parents often went on vacation so he had the house to himself a lot, and the idea of not being in school was always a bonus.

Before winter break the school always had an overpriced dance celebrating Christmas or winter or something. Troy had never been, and he didn’t plan on going. James was trying to drag him to it, but Troy was being stubborn. No way was he going to a dance where all he’d do was sit in the corner and sulk and judge people.

“What’s the point of even going to a dance if I’m not going to dance with anyone?” he asked James.

“No one dances at these things, they stand on opposite sides of the room and stare awkwardly at each other. You eat the food, you make fun of people, you go home. End of story. It’ll be fun!” James insisted.

“No way”

“Come on,”

“Who are you going with?”

“A group of friends, you know them”

“I don’t want to be the antisocial asshole who keeps going to the bathroom just for an excuse to leave and what if you wander off with them and I’m just left awkwardly shuffling in the corner”

James paused.  
“I wouldn’t do that”

“You would and you know it”

James sighed and looked sadly at Troy.

They dropped the subject for a little while, but James kept coming back to it. Troy told him no each time. No reason seemed to suffice. He didn’t like girls, he didn’t like social functions, he just wanted to stay home and sleep, he wouldn’t know anyone. He thought deep down James was aware Troy wasn’t going but kept asking just to seem considerate.

On the night of the dance, Troy would probably lock himself in his room and lay in his bed and pretend to be asleep, but he’d stare out the window until midnight, thinking, just like every other night. He’d been having strange thoughts recently, so like every other night, on the night of the dance he’d probably imagine himself walking into the bathroom, grabbing whatever pill bottle he could find, and downing it all once. Feeling sleepy, and dropping down against the bathtub to shut his eyes and never open them again. It was mostly just a thought, but some nights he felt his legs shift to get up, and sometimes he’d get as far as kicking off the blankets before he talked himself out of it and laid back down.

He wasn’t sure why or when things went so downhill, he really had nothing to be upset about. But all the same, he looked out his window at night and imagined his body cold as ice against the bathroom tile.

Maybe it was because his parents were home more and although dramatic their constant presence made him go crazy after a while, usually, they'd be on a business trip by now. At least Steve could leave the house. It was too cold to bike anywhere, and he couldn’t just go for a walk or wander off somewhere because his mother would freak out. Usually, he’d sneak out of the house and hide somewhere, but in the winter that wasn’t an option, so he was penned up at home.

Even just going to school was a relief, the little walks he was able to take there and back, sometimes he’d come in late just to be alone a little while longer.

He wondered what he’d do once he was an adult and socializing was a huge part of his life. Once he could legally drink and gamble and smoke and sometimes if he thought about it too much he’d worry that he’d only go downhill from here. Troy thought he’d end up jobless and depressed and die either by suicide or by some drunken act of stupidity.

He told James about this and James told him he was being dramatic.

* * *

 

Winter went on, the sky was so clear it looked like it could be shattered, the air chilled you to the bone, everyone was bundled up all the time. Winter break was just around the corner, and Christmas soon after.

Troy kept forgetting about Christmas. Even though their tree was up and there were a few scattered presents underneath it, Troy just couldn’t find it in himself to be excited. But everyone around him was, even James.

“I really hope I get a new aquarium” James chattered. “The old one is getting too small for the fish”

Troy nodded along, half listening.

It was lunch time and it was snowing, gleaming bright light flowing through the windows, snowflakes that looked like torn off clouds falling from the sky.

James had stopped talking and was looking out the window too.

“I hope you and Will do become friends, you seem lonely”

Troy looked over at James and frowned.

“Shut up”

“I’m just saying”

Troy shook his head and stood up, packing his things and leaving.

James shouted things about being a good and honest friend to Troy as he left.

Troy shook his head, ignoring James as he walked up the stairs to the library to spend the rest of his lunch period.

* * *

 

Troy skipped last period, it was history, and he was tired and angry. He hated history, and just wanted to go home, so he wandered around town instead of studying Columbus.

He walked through the streets, went into a store and browsed the aisles. He walked back and forth in between them, looking at various items and making a list of what he’d buy if he had money. Christmas songs played on a loop above him, and occasionally the door would ding and the wind would blow in as a customer walked into the store. Troy stuck around until the end of Sleigh Ride and then went back outside.

Troy wandered around the barren town, no one out right now except housewives and the occasional adult, going about errands and taking their break before the kids got out of school. He saw the streets empty and frozen, the sun trying to claw its way through the clouds and casting a pale glow on everything. Troy felt like time had stopped.

After a little while, Troy sat down on a frigid bench, opting to just people watch for the next half hour. Sometimes he made up names and little stories for people he didn’t know. Troy felt like he could see time pass, with the shifting of the clouds above and the rush of people and thumps of their boots below. He felt like a ghost.

The illusion was shattered when someone touched his shoulder. He nearly jumped out of his skin and looked up, hands automatically raised in some strange form of defense. It was only a police officer, who looked guilty at having spooked him.

The officer (the same one who had gotten into an argument with his mother, which was incredibly humiliating) told Troy he had to come with him back to school.

Troy just looked up at him and nodded, too scared and tired to fight, and walked slowly along with the officer and got in the back of the car.

The officer drove him to school and parked Troy in the principal’s office in a plastic chair, and told him to stay put. Not like Troy would go anywhere.

Once Troy got into the principal’s office, the principal began to lecture him.

“Troy, I know you have had a hard year,” he began, his hands folded on the desk methodically. “What with detention, fights and one report of vandalism, you’ve seen me a lot”

The vandalism _was_ Troy’s fault, he thought what he said on the bathroom stall was funny, but someone tattled on him and he ended up getting in trouble for it.

Troy sighed, sinking further into the chair.

“Your classwork is good, but that’s not all that matters. You need to clean up your act if you want to get into a good college. I know it seems far away now, but colleges can see middle school records.”

Troy shuffled again, the thought of college made him nervous. He had no idea what he was going to do. He hadn’t participated in hobbies in a year, they just didn’t interest him.

“I know, I’m trying,” Troy said. He said that a lot, it was his go-to response when someone called him out. Sometimes it was true, sometimes it wasn’t.

The principal sighed, eyes softening. “I understand Troy,” The principal pulls out a file, flicks through it, “But there have to be consequences to your actions. You can’t just act out all the time, and frankly, it’s very out of character for you. I’m worried about you, I think you should see the school counselor.”

Troy raised his shoulders defensively, heart hammering in his ears. “I don’t need to, I’m fine,” he said bitterly, sounding like he was offended by the mere mention of it.

The principal sighed and sat back in his chair. “I won’t mention the counselor thing to your mother, but you should definitely consider it. And if you continue this kind of behavior I’ll have no choice but to send you to them. Mrs. Crane’s a nice person, she’ll understand whatever it is that’s going on with you.”

Troy shuffled in his chair, folded his hands in his lap.

“For now though, I will have to call your mother and tell her about this, and you will get detention.”

Troy sighed. That was fair. He sat in the chair, slumped backward, and listened as the principal called his mother and told her what happened, listened to the disappointment and anger seep into her voice. Troy honestly couldn’t tell who she was angry at. She shouted at the principal and hung up on him, the principal only sighed. He told Troy to go to detention, and that he’d have to bike or walk home because no one was able to come to get him. Troy nodded, thanked him, then left.

For the entirety of detention, Troy had a weird feeling in his chest. Like he would be sad if he felt anything. It was worse than sadness. Lonelier and hollower, like a deep chilling abyss opened up in his soul. He thought maybe he’d cry, just to try to relieve some of the horrible dark clouds that hung over him, but he just couldn’t get the tears to come. Which he thought was ridiculous considering how awful he felt. Detention went by in minutes, and when the teacher told him he could go he felt like someone pushed a reset button in his mind. He shook his head, stretched, then nodded. He was so out of it that he told the teacher goodnight instead of goodbye. Troy ignored the teacher’s weird glance and walked out the doors, feeling drained and distant.

He didn’t know why he was so tired, it’s not like he did anything that day, yet he was still having trouble keeping his thoughts concentrated on the task at hand.

Troy was jolted awake when he ran into someone standing near the exit door to the school. He stumbled and turned around, realizing he just bumped into Will Byers’ backpack

“Sorry,” he said automatically, taking a few large steps back from Will.

Will looked at him, hand on the windowsill. He must have been looking out the window when Troy ran into him.

“It’s okay” Will paused, looking back out the window.“I mean you obviously weren’t paying attention when you were walking.”

“Sorry”

“You’re fine.”

Silence filled the air.

Troy staring at the floor to avoid eye contact, even though Will was still looking out the window.

  
“I don’t get why you’re so scared of me. I’m not _really_ a zombie, you know”

Troy winced and looked up, Will was staring at him.

“I know, I _know_ , it’s just that… I feel like I should be avoiding you. I’ve made your life hell for three years now, I don’t think that we can just shake hands and kumbaya this away. I still feel guilty and horrible and I just thought that you still hate me so I figured it’d be better if I avoided you.”

Will blinked at him.

“I know that we won’t magically be friends, but I just thought it’d be better than us being enemies. I don’t hate you. I used to, sure, but not anymore. It’s exhausting, you know? Hating someone. It’s a lot of work and I’m too tired to continue with it. I thought maybe since you apologized and have been actively changing yourself for the better that maybe I’d have an actual person to person conversation with you, but you seem so jumpy and hardly ever let me get farther than ‘hello’.” Will paused, turning back to the window.

This was the most they’d ever said to each other.

“I don’t know, after you apologized I thought maybe I’d try to make things better between us. My friends think I’m crazy, I mean who doesn’t, but I think I know what I’m doing.” Will still wasn’t looking at Troy, he was looking out the window, and Troy could see Will’s face reflecting on the glass.

“I didn’t want to be around you if you were only talking to me because I talked to you first, and I didn’t want to barge in and assume we were good just because we had one talk and I wasn’t a total douche for once.”

Will nodded. “That makes sense, I guess”

Will traced a circle on the brick beneath the window, leaning his elbows on the brick windowsill.

Troy shuffled on his feet, unsure if they were done talking and he should leave or if Will wasn’t done and Troy should wait.

“You know,” Will started, “my friends still hate you. So I guess it’s only natural that’d you’d assume I would too. I’ve always been more understanding than they are though. More _sensitive_ I guess, it’s a curse and a gift.”

Troy nodded, not sure how to respond due to the fact that Troy used to make fun of him for being just that, sensitive. It’s strange, now that Troy considered it, how feelings are perceived as unmanly and gay. He wondered how that came to be.

“I think though, that you were just acting out in some sort of weird projection, and that maybe you had problems of your own you were dealing with,” Will said, interrupting Troy’s thoughts.

It occurred to Troy that Will had been talking and he hadn’t been listening, but thankfully Will seemed to be talking mostly to himself or more talking at Troy rather than to him.

“I couldn’t see it then, obviously it’s a little hard to consider someone’s feelings when they’re calling you names, but looking back I think you were just scared or something. Mike says that doesn’t matter, your motives, but he was angry and snappy for a year because… because someone he cared about left, so he really doesn’t get a say in this.”

Will turned around to face Troy again, his backpack running into the brick wall.

“Are you listening?”

Troy nodded.

“You can say something, I’m not just talking to hear my voice.”

Troy nodded again without thinking.

“I just haven’t had anything to say.”

“Okay,” Will said, looking Troy in the eyes. It made Troy uncomfortable, he could feel his legs getting weak.

“Why are you here after school anyway?” Will asked, still not looking away from Troy’s eyes.

“Detention, I skipped history” Troy said, breaking the eye contact to fumble with his shirt sleeve.

Will frowned.

“Why did you skip school?”

“I was bored and tired, and history is useless.”

“Yeah but grades aren’t. What are you going to do once you’re not in school anymore and no college wants you?”

Troy swallowed hard, staring at the floor.

“I don’t know, I’ll figure it out”

Will huffed.

“I’ve never known anyone who’s career plan was ‘I’ll figure it out’ that had a great life.”

“Well, maybe I’m okay with that.” Troy could see Will shake his head out of the corner of his eye.

“Whatever, it’s your life I guess.”

“What are you doing here so late?” Troy asked, managing to glance up.

“I stayed after for a club, my mom was supposed to pick me up, but she’s running late and I’m not allowed to bike home and all my friends already left.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

“Yeah kinda…”

Will and Troy made eye contact again, silence filling the small room. Troy tried to keep his thoughts in order, a paranoid fear that Will could hear his thoughts overtaking him, but he couldn’t help but admire certain aspects about Will while they were just staring quietly at each other. Once again his mind split into the side that wanted to adore Will with no boundaries and didn’t care about repercussions, and the other side that would rather tear out his own small intestine than tell Will how he felt.

Someone honked outside and Will and Troy both jumped, not expecting the loud noise. Will turned around again and looked out the window.

“Oh that’s my mom, I gotta go.” He adjusted his backpack and headed for the doors, pausing to turn around and face Troy.

“See you later I guess? After break?”

Troy nodded.

“Oh wait! Are you going to the Snowball, I might see you there.”

Troy laughed dryly and shook his head.

“No, those dances are stupid.”

“Hey! I’m going, does that make me stupid?”

Troy paused for a second, allowing a small smile.

“Do you want me to be honest with you?”

Will laughed quietly, more an amused puff of air than anything, but still. Troy’s heart fluttered.

“I’ll have you know-”

The car honked again.

“I’m coming!” Will shouted out the door, then turned back to Troy. “Well have fun being lonely, sourpuss”

“Have fun being surrounded by gross sweaty tweens Byers!”

Will rolled his eyes and opened the door all the way.

“Goodbye, you grouchy wet blanket!” Will said over his shoulder as he left, and Troy frowned and stuck his tongue out in return.

The car honked once more and Troy could hear Will angerly shout “I’m coming Mom!” as he sprinted to the car.

Troy let out a breath and leaned against the wall, but underestimated the distance and ended up crashing uncomfortably into it. He decided to wait a minute before biking home, his knees were still weak, his face was hot, and his heart was hammering in his chest.

Troy really did love winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, that wasn't too bad, I originally was worried it'd be too short but now look, 4,000 words later... I'm trying to make this into a slow burn but it's going to be under 40,000 words so idk if it'll count. I want to kind of explore recovering Will in this fanfic since I see so many people turning him into this sad broken raggedy ann doll that they can use for angst. And like yeah I love some good Will angst but also can I see Will recovering and becoming his best self? Can I see Will not being traumatized for life because of the Upside Down and instead is able making a full recovery? Idk I just wish I saw more of that.  
> Also, I was writing the majority of this chapter during summer and it was hard to write about the freezing cold snow when it was in the 80's (F). Luckily it snowed two weeks into October so I was able to get into a wintery mood.  
> Anyway next chapter should be out soon, and these last two chapters have been mostly Troy reflecting and going on little adventures with only a little bit of Troy/Will interaction thrown in at the end, but next time their interaction will take up the majority of the chapter.  
> My Tumblr is burgundy-burgers and I'm open to messages and asks at all times! Feel free to chat with me!  
> Comments validate me and clear my skin I'd greatly appreciate it if you could comment or leave kudos! I love both!  
> Okay, that's enough from me today, happy Halloween!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you ever feel like running away?"  
> "Every day"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! For me, this is an early update but apparently over a month has passed so it may not seem that early to you all... But still! I spam wrote the majority of this in a fit of panic oddly combined with determination. Somehow my anger and sadness manifested as a tunnel-vision-like fit of productivity during a dinner party my family was having and God if I could always do that I'd have novels out by now.  
> Yeah, anyway. This chapter is mainly Troy/Will interaction, which is good and it was really fun to write. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it (hopefully a little more fun than I had writing it, I'm constantly anxious about my word choice).  
> Enjoy!

Troy didn’t go to the Snowball, but he didn’t lie in bed feeling sorry for himself either.

Steve was out that night (he didn’t tell Troy where he was going) and Troy’s parents went to a special Christmas dinner for his mother’s work. He took full opportunity of having the house to himself for one glorious evening in this hell of a winter. Troy ordered pizza and ate on the couch, watching movies and sitcoms as loud as he wanted. Once he got bored of that, he did homework (still on the couch) and blasted music throughout the house, occasionally getting up and dancing around.

It wasn’t like anyone was there to see him or tell him not to eat on the couch or that he shouldn’t watch that movie because it had ‘sinful’ themes. No nagging, no breathing down his neck, it was an amazing evening right up until Steve got home and made Troy turn off his music.

“What the hell did you do here all night?” Steve asked, looking in the mirror by the front door and messing with his hair.

Troy shrugged, watching his own reflection in the mirror from behind Steve.

“I just hung out”

“Sounds sketchy to me, but whatever”

“What do you think I have enough friends to throw a party? Or the means to throw a party and then clean up before you got here?”

Steve sighed, dropping his hands to his sides and turning to face Troy.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a sarcastic shithead, you _would_  have enough friends to throw a party with.”

Steve turned around and walked into the kitchen, grabbing some of the pizza left on the counter and going to sit in the living room, Troy following behind him.

“Well, what did you do tonight? Huh? Did you throw a huge rager, or attend one?” Troy stood next to the couch Steve was sitting on, folding his arms and frowning.

Steve looked offended. “Not exactly, but I still participated in social interaction, which is more than I can say for you”

“Social interaction is overrated.”

Steve looked around the room, then back at Troy. “Why didn’t you go to that dance-thing your school?”

Troy shrugged, his usual response to Steve’s questions.

“I didn’t want to. School dances are stupid and boring and just an easy cash-grab for the school.” Troy squinted at Steve, “How did you even know about that dance anyway? Have you been going to my school this whole time without me knowing?”

“My ex-girlfriend’s brother goes there, he was on his way over when I went to see her tonight. Duh.”

“Why are you still hanging around your ex-girlfriend after she dumped you? That’s creepy.”

Steve rolled his eyes like this subject was too adult for Troy and his simple child mind to comprehend.

“Because we’re friends now. Do you know what those are? Friends?” Steve quipped, leaning his elbows on his knees.

Troy scoffed. “Whatever, I’m going upstairs.”

“See ya’” Steve shouted after him through a mouthful of pizza.

Troy was halfway up the stairs when he heard Steve call his name.

“What?” Troy asked, leaning over the railing.

Steve walked into the room, standing under the stairs. “Do you know Dustin Henderson? He goes to your school.”

Troy’s blood ran cold.

“Yeah, he does. I have him in a few classes,” he took a deep breath. “Why do you ask?”

Steve looked guilty, shrugging.

“I don’t know, just wondering. He was at Nancy’s house, said he knew you is all. Okay, uh, continue” Steve nodded to Troy and walked back into the living room.

Troy ran up the stairs and into his bedroom as fast as he could and slammed the door shut. He fell back against the door, suddenly exhausted. He crossed his legs, placed his hands in his lap, raising his shoulders. His grip between his hands tightened, both hands leaving deep nail marks in the other. He could hear his heart in his ears, feel his pulse in his cheeks, feel the world swallowing him whole. Troy’s vision blurred around the edges, focusing on a random point on his wall, everything in his body seeming to go into overdrive or not work at all. His head swam with thoughts, racing around each other, each worse than the last. He knew he needed a plan, everyone always needs a plan, it was his lack of a plan that always seemed to get himself into these situations yet he still couldn’t override that impulsive awful part of him that constantly had its foot on the gas pedal. What was he going to do? Leave? Leave. He could… he could leave and then everything would be- _Slam_!

Troy was snapped out of his daze by a door slamming and loud voices from downstairs.

“Steve!” he heard his mother shout, “Get that food out of the living room, this rug costs more than you’re worth!”

Troy relaxed slightly, unclasping his hands and shaking his head, trying to regain focus on the present. He relaxed against the door, sighing and grounding himself. He stood up, then immediately regretted it as his head spun. He gripped the door to steady himself briefly, then opened it and walked down the stairs. He met his parents at the bottom step.

“Troy!” His mother called, walking over to him.

“Hi Mom,” Troy said and tried not to wince when she crushed him in a hug.

“How was your work party?”

“Ugh, awful. Mindy Delos brought the same dish as I did, and I know that bitch did it on purpose, and the worst part is everyone liked hers better! I swear she put some secret ingredient or drug in it.”

“Yeah, sure Mom” Troy replied, only half listening to what she was saying.

His mother strode past him up the stairs, still ranting offhandedly. His father walked past him too, only offering a nod and a pat on the shoulder. (Troy was somewhat glad his father wasn’t in a talkative mood, he wasn’t sure if he could handle it.) Troy watched them walking up the stairs, sighed, and turned to do the same. He looked over the railing and saw Steve frowning at him like he was thinking. Troy weakly smiled at him and rushed up the stairs and into his room.

Troy laid on his bed, resting his hands on his chest, looking helplessly at the ceiling as the past caught up to him and dragged him into hell.

* * *

 

It was after New Years, the last week of winter break. So far 1985 consisted of Troy sitting at home by himself all day and hiding in his room all night. It was a good system, although his parents were losing their patience with each other and with him, so being in the house at all wasn’t ideal. But the snow melted and it was getting warmer, so Troy could walk and bike around.

The Saturday before school was going to start up again, Troy left in the afternoon to escape his parents shouting at each other, claiming he was going to James’ house. Really, Troy was just going to walk and bike around until it got dark, staying out of the house for as long as he could. Troy rode his bike down the familiar path to the park near his house, the wind biting his cheeks and nose, rustling his hair.

The park should be deserted, not many people opting to swing in the chilly air or go down a cold and wet slide. Troy escaped to this park a lot during the winter, just sitting on the swings or playground and sitting in silence, it was much better than staying in his room with his hands over his ears. Troy biked up to the park, hopping off his bike and putting it in the rack. When he finished and moved to walk over to the swings, he realized someone else was there.

Troy squinted, quickly recognizing the figure as Will Byers. Troy walked closer, trying not to make noise.

Will was sitting on the swing, hunched over, staring at the ground. He was lightly kicking himself back and forth, hands folded in his lap, his hair was moving gently in the soft breeze. Will’s shoulders shuddered as he sighed, pushing back a little farther on the swing.

Troy wasn’t sure what to do. The smart thing to do would be to leave, to go back home and make up some excuse to his parents. Will was obviously having a personal moment, and they weren’t even friends, so Troy should just let him be. Then again, when has Troy ever chosen the smart thing to do?

Troy shuffled over to Will, specifically making noise when he walked so he wouldn’t scare Will. Troy sat on the swing next to Will and looked over at him.

“Hey,” he said softly.

Will didn’t reply, only kept his eyes trained on the floor. Troy noticed Will’s eyes were red and puffy, tear tracks on his cheeks. He looked defeated, tired. Will took a shaky breath through his nose, it sounded stuffed.

A chilly breeze blew through the air, lightly pushing the swings and ruffling through their hair.

Troy looked up briefly, glancing at the bright sky streaked with yellow and purple clouds.

“Do you ever feel like running away?” Will asked, breaking the silence. His voice was hoarse and quiet, he sounded almost like he was talking to himself.

Troy waited a minute, unsure if Will was done talking. Will remained silent, so Troy sighed. “Every day.”

“It’s just,” Will sighed too, longer and shallower than Troy’s. “I feel like everything bad happening here is happening because of me, I brought this here, I’m the reason people got hurt.”

Troy wasn’t entirely sure what Will was talking about. Who did Will hurt? Will Byers, who was quite possibly the nicest person in this town, who was so sweet that he couldn’t even dissect a frog in sixth grade, hurt someone? Troy just couldn’t see it happening. Did Will mean figuratively? A terrifying thought occurred to Troy, stopping his heart for a minute.

 _Oh God,_  he worried, _did he just come out to me?_

Troy didn’t say anything, just hunched his shoulders and curled in on himself in quiet worry.

“I’m just a burden to everyone, my mom and brother have to work so hard just to try and support me, and all I do is make things harder and more dangerous for them.” Will continued, brushing hair out of his face only to have it fall right back.

Troy still had no idea what Will was talking about, but he would still try to comfort as best he could. Will was opening up to him, Troy was going to try his best to cheer him up. What else could Troy do? Runaway?

“But I can’t just leave, I’d break their hearts. They give everything to me, they try their best just for me and to just up and leave would be selfish and horrible of me. At the same time, I’m constantly putting them in danger, taking more than I give, and continuously eating up resources we don’t have.

“My doctor is in physical therapy, the ‘hospital’ I went to was destroyed, I can’t go to a regular doctor about this, I’d get called crazy. I can’t… I can’t get help and I can’t help my family and I can’t do anything I’m just- just stuck in this position” Will took a heaving breath, clasping and unclasping his hands.

Troy wanted to hug him, to touch his shoulder, to do something to _comfort_ him but held himself back. He couldn’t just randomly hug this person he’s only been nice to for a few weeks. Troy reached a hand out, the brought it back and tucked it under his other arm. He’d wait, he didn’t want to freak Will out.

“God,” Will sighed, looking up at the frosty blue sky, “I just want to leave it all behind sometimes”

Troy swallowed, looking at the ground briefly before looking back at Will. He took a deep breath.

“You deserve so much more than this” Troy started, so quietly he wasn’t sure if he said it out loud or if he just thought it. “I don’t really know what you’re talking about, but I know that you’re not a bad person. You help people, you give second chances, you make everyone’s day brighter just by being around. I know that you feel like you’re a burden on your mom and brother, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. They love you no matter what and would do anything for you.

“Listen, I know that you feel like you’re harming people, like you’re a danger to them or something, but you’re not. You have such a good heart and I don’t even really know you but I know you’d never purposely hurt anyone ever.”

Troy paused, and Will looked up at him with teary eyes. Troy’s eyes darted to the ground and stayed there, suddenly nervous under Will’s gaze.

“I know that you feel like you’re stuck now, like everything is going downhill and there’s nothing you can do about it, but that feeling won’t last forever. I know you’ll bounce back and continue being the thoughtful amazing person you were before… before whatever it is you’re talking about happened. You have so much potential and you mean so much to so many people, you’ll get through whatever is happening right now, I know it.”

Troy let out a big breath, looking over at Will cautiously. He didn’t think he had that much positivity in him. He hoped that was an okay speech, if someone said that to him he’d tell them they had no idea what the hell they were talking about and he’d probably start yelling.

“I’m sorry if this is intrusive or whatever or if I made you feel worse, but I just wanted to-” Troy got cut off by Will leaning over the swing and hugging him.

It wasn’t a tight embrace by any means, just a quick, appreciative wrap in Will’s arms, but it made Troy’s head spin and heart skip. It was only a few seconds long, but Troy felt like it went on for hours.

When Will pulled away he was smiling softly and sniffling, keeping eye contact with Troy that made Troy nervous. He could _feel_  his blush creeping up red hot on his cheeks, he was certain that Will could see it. He desperately hoped Will would think it was from the chilly air.

“Thank you, really,” Will said, sincerity lacing his voice.

Troy nodded, still in awe. “Yeah I’m welc- I mean, you’re welcome”

“I’m sorry for dumping all that on you, I know you don’t really know what I’m talking about but… I’m grateful for you helping me anyway. Most people would’ve probably just left” Will laughed, somewhat nervously, scratching his neck. “But I’m really glad you stayed and you know, actually made an effort to make me feel better.”

Troy smiled wider, he thought he must look like an idiot, and nodded again. “Yeah, no problem”

“Hey, I just realized you mentioned something about wanting to run away too, are you okay? I’m sorry for not asking about that before, I just get distracted sometimes.” Will frowned, turning his head to the side to look at the setting sun before turning back to Troy.

“It’s okay! You were obviously not feeling great, I don’t expect you to drop everything and tend to my feelings or whatever. We’re not really friends anyway.” Troy answered quickly.

Will blinked, frown deepening. “We’re not? I mean we’ve interacted a lot this year, we talk sometimes in class and I mean you just comforted me when I was freaking out. I considered us friends. Kind of”

Troy shrugged, taken aback by Will’s statement.

“I don’t know, I just figured it took more than that to become friends.”

“Well, not for me it doesn’t. I think of you as a friend. Maybe not a good one and definitely not a close one, but still.”

Troy’s blush was back, due to how hot his face felt he assumed it was very bright and very visible.

“Well thanks, I guess.” He managed after a moment.

“Yeah, no problem”

They both stared at each other for a second, before Troy broke eye contact to stare in disbelief at the woodchips on the ground shocked at what was going on.

 _Oh my God_ Troy thought on repeat as he struggled to process what had happened.

“Why are you here by the way? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I ran into you and all, but it seems kinda strange that you were going to the park in the winter by yourself.” Will said, kicking a pile of dirt and woodchips Troy’s way to get his attention.

Troy looked up, surprised to see Will already looking at him.

“I uh, I needed to get out of my house. My parents were being annoying and loud and I just needed a break. I came here because I figured it was empty but then I found you here.” Troy answered, pushing his swing back slightly.

“Oh sorry, didn’t mean to intrude on your alone time. I get it, we all need a break from people for a little while. Usually, I’d go to a fort I have behind my house but… but it got ruined by a recent snowstorm”

“ _No_! I mean, no, you didn’t intrude on anything, I’m actually kinda glad I found you here, less lonely.” Troy realized what he said and coughed awkwardly, he said too much.

“Oh,” Will said, watching Troy go back and forth slowly on the swing, “good,” he kicked his wing into action too, trying to match Troy’s speed.

Troy realized what Will was doing and swung himself faster, Will following suit. Soon the two boys were trying to one-up each other, swinging themselves faster and faster to beat the other. They were both laughing and swinging higher and higher, shouting things to each other occasionally.

“This is so immature of you Byers!” Troy shouted as he swung past Will, who was frantically moving his feet back and forth to gain speed.

“Hey, I wasn’t even trying to start anything! _You’re_ the one who made it a competition!”

Troy scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes, maneuvering his entire body with the movements of the swing to try and go higher.

“This isn’t fair!” Will yelled as he watched Troy. “You have freakishly long legs! I’m shorter than you cut me some slack!”

“Improvise!”

They both laughed, the air whipping through their hair and turning their cheeks a rosy shade of pink.

“Should I jump off?” Troy asked, slowing himself so he matched his pace with Will’s.

“Oh my God please don’t” Will shouted back.

“I’m going to do it!”

“Don’t, seriously, you’ll break something”

“I’ve already broken my arm once, what does it matter if it happens again?”

“What if you break your back or something?”

“Then I’ll die. I’ll be fine!”

“Do not jump! If you jump and break something I’ll kill you! If your parents don’t kill me first.”

“Okay, I’m doing it!”

“I will seriously murder you if you jump off that swing,”

Troy jumped off the swing, falling through the air before landing hard on his left knee and rolling on the ground.

“Oh my God” Will yelled, slowing his swing and jumping off once it was close enough to the ground, and running over to Troy.

“If you hurt yourself I am so dead” he muttered worriedly, kneeling next to Troy. “Are you okay?”

Troy rolled over onto his back so he could face Will, smiled and stuck his hands in the air.

“I’m okay! See, you got yourself all worried over nothing,” he said and tried to sit up. “Ow! Shit,” Troy looked down at his knee, it was scraped and bleeding, and his left elbow was radiating pain.

“See, you did hurt yourself.” Will looked at his knee, frowning.

“It’s just a scrape. Nothing broke, I’m fine.”

Will sighed and sat down on the woodchips next to Troy. “You seriously could have broken something and your mom would have literally gutted me like a fish.”

“I would disagree with you but my mom is insane so I really can’t.” Troy touched his knee tentatively, wincing when he did.

“That was so stupid of you. You’re so stupid.” Will said, starting to laugh.

“Yeah, but it looked pretty cool right?” Troy asked fake punching Will in the arm.

“Maybe a little” Will admitted.

“Hah! Success!”

“You are just like your brother, you know that?”

“Is that an insult or a compliment?”

“Whatever you want it to be.”

“I’ll take it as a good thing. Thanks”

Will smiled at Troy, then looked at the ground like he was in thought.

“You should probably go home, get a tetanus shot, bandage that up, all that,” Will said, pointing to Troy's bleeding knee.

“I don’t need to bandage this up, I’m invincible,” Troy said and pushed off the ground to stand up. His knee sent white-hot sharp pains through his body, and he wobbled backward.

Will lept up and put a hand on Troy’s back so he didn’t fall over.

“Yeah yeah, invincible,” He said, sarcastically.

“Well at least you’re feeling better,” Troy said, trying to balance himself.

Will smiled. “Yeah, I am. But I didn’t need you to almost die to make me happier. I won’t deny that it helped though”

“See? Taking risks pays off”

“I never said that it didn’t, I just said jumping off of swings is dangerous.”

“Whatever, same difference”

Will shook his head and took his hand off Troy when Troy could stand on his own.

“You going to be able to get home okay?” Will asked.

“Yeah I’m fine, my mom’s going to freak though.”

“Oh yeah, just tell her it’s my fault.”

“No no, I’ll make something up. I do it all the time, she never finds out.”

Will raised an eyebrow.

“Well okay, if you’re sure.” He turned and realized how dark it was getting. “I gotta go home too, my mom’s probably worried.”

“Yeah…”

Troy and Will both looked at each other, standing only a foot apart. The breeze ruffled Will’s hair and the setting sun cast a golden glow on his skin. Troy’s heart fluttered, his stomach did flips, his pulse pounded in his ears. Will took a tiny step closer, not breaking eye contact with Troy. There was some emotion in his eyes Troy couldn’t read, but he was never good at reading people anyway. They both just stared at each other, nothing in the world mattered except for each other, at this moment. Troy felt like he was waiting for something.

Will coughed and took a step backward, looking away hurriedly.

“I uh- I gotta go,” He said and started walking away to the playground, where his bike was resting.

Will turned around after grabbing his bike and smiled. “Bye Troy. See you on Monday?”

Troy nodded. “See you Monday.”

Will hopped on his bike and rode away, turning briefly to smile at Troy one last time before turning a corner.

Troy wobbled on his feet, feeling like he was on laughing gas. He stared at the corner Will had turned on with his mouth open.

“Holy shit” he murmured.

* * *

 

“I don’t know what else to tell you,” Troy said, leaning against the counter as James checked the pizza in the oven.

“Give me more details!” James shouted, closing the oven door and shaking his head back and forth like a dog shaking off water.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I once heard that the air in an oven is toxic so I was shaking it out of my system.”

“Oh My God that’s so incorrect on so many levels.”

James scowled at Troy, leaning against the counter next to him.

“It’s just a rumor I heard… Anyway, give me details! Like, what happened in between you arriving at the park and seeing Will and you jumping off the swing and hurting your leg?”

“I don’t know, we just talked.”

“About what!?”

“About… stuff”

James groaned, slumping against the counter. “C’mon Troy! Indulge me with details!”

“Ew, don’t use the word ‘indulge’”

“Troy!”

Troy sighed, folding his arms.

“Fine. We talked about life and stuff. He was talking to me about something bad that happened to him, I don’t know what. Maybe someone who was bullying him or something. I wish I knew, but he never said and I didn’t want to ask. I tried to help him out and calm him down and by some miracle, it worked.”

Troy didn’t really believe in a God anymore, but if someone was watching over him and helping him make decisions, he thanked them for Will to somehow find meaning in his worthless words.

“That’s great! Are you guys friends or something now?”

Troy smiled, raising his shoulders, his face slowly turning pink.

“Yeah, I guess,”

James grabbed Troy’s arm and shook it.

“I’m so happy for you!”

“Ow God, why are you doing this?”

“I’m excited!”

“Be excited away from me”

James let go of Troy, grinning. James lived for details of Troy’s personal life, even more for details of Troy’s embarrassing and horribly timed crush on Will Byers. Troy just couldn’t shake James off.

“Then we had a swinging competition and I jumped off and hurt my knee then I went home blah blah blah.”

Troy had gone home and as he predicted, his mom panicked when she saw his knee. She immediately patched him up and bought the lie that Troy fell on his way home from James’ house. Troy’s elbow was only bruised (albeit pretty badly), so it wasn’t like there was that much for his mom to get upset over. When Troy went to bed that night, his mind was buzzing with thoughts of the day. He was so busy running over the events of that afternoon over and over that he only got four hours of sleep. When he did finally doze off, he had a dream about Will. Troy couldn’t remember what happened, but he knew Will was there.

“I feel like you’re still skipping some details...”

“Well I don’t know what to tell you, that’s what happened.”

James sighed and sunk down to the floor.

“But there have to be juicier details than that!”

Troy sank down to the floor too, resting his elbows on his knees.

“I don’t know, I was a huge mess. I was blushing and stuttering the whole time, I felt like a moron. Still do, actually.” Troy admitted.

James visibly brightened, obviously excited by this new information. “That’s hilarious. I wish I was there.”

“Shut up! It’s not funny, it’s humiliating, and if you were there it’d have only been worse!” Troy shouted his face reddening again.

“Oh my God look at you! You’re getting all weird and blushy over just talking about this! That’s so sweet!” James remarked, pointing at Troy’s face.

“Leave me alone!”

“You’re so funny, you’re getting so worked up over this.”

“Go home!”

“We’re at _my_ house!”

Troy groaned loudly, putting his face in his hands and curling up into a ball.

“You know I’m just kidding right?” James asked, suddenly serious. “I mean, I joke and all but I like that you tell me this kind of stuff and that you trust me enough to let me in on your life.”

Troy sighed, resting his face in his hands.

James had a habit of making things more emotional than they had to be. James really cherished his friendship with Troy, considered them best friends and put work into the relationship and sometimes Troy felt like he was just along for the ride. He didn’t mind though, it was because of James’ stubbornness for their friendship that they had made it this long anyway.

“I know, I just get so flustered sometimes and I get angry when I'm embarrassed. I’m not mad at you or anything, I’m glad I can talk to you about this.”

James smiled and punched Troy’s arm. “Awesome,”

The oven timer went off, and James stood to get the pizza out of the oven.

“So how are you feeling?” James asked before taking a breath and holding it, ducking into the oven and grabbing the pizza.

Troy watched James in amusement.

“I’m feeling… good. Really good actually. Like I’m excited to go to school tomorrow just so I can see him again,” Troy paused, smiling subconsciously. “I mean- when’s the last time that happened?”

James grinned at Troy throwing off his oven mitt and kicking Troy’s thigh softly. “That’s great. I hope that feeling lasts. It’s good to see you feeling some other emotion than spite or exhaustion.”

Troy rolled his eyes, but a smile was still glued to his face, James really was a good friend.

Troy hoped this feeling would last too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeesh, I just noticed Troy eats pizza twice this chapter. What's my deal with pizza? There are other foods I could write about. I need to chill on the pizza eating.  
> Anyway, I added that last bit at the end because I will never ever get tired of the idea of James and Troy being actual good friends and James supporting Troy.  
> You can't convince me that Troy and Steve aren't a little bit similar in their actions and in the way of impressing people they like.  
> Also happy late Thanksgiving! I tried to get this put beforehand but you know how it goes.  
> Let me know what you thought! Comments and kudos make me so incredibly happy, please leave them I'll try to work harder if someone is keeping me accountable lol. My Tumblr is burgundy-burgers, feel free to message me or poke around my profile!  
> Hope you all have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Ehhh, I expected it to be so much shorter.  
> So you'll notice I made up a bunch of people and just kinda put them there. Because let's be real this is a middle school in a small town, so everyone knows everyone. I slid in random people I made up to give the story more depth, make it seem more realistic (yeah in a show about monsters). Oh except the Zimmerman kids, those are the kids that bullied Will on Halloween, or it's established that they bully him at some point. I kind of think of them as the dumber and meaner versions of Andy and Ollie from Bob's Burgers.  
> Also, Lucy (the girl with the Hawkins Lab dad) was going to be talked more about and I had a whole thing going for her, but I cut it down because it felt out of place. I thought just a reference was enough.  
> Bleh I've rambled on enough in these notes.  
> I hope next chapter will be out soon, but summer homework sucks and I'm going to be out of town for a while.  
> Tumblr is burgundy-burgers, feel free to message me!


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